This Thinking Box

I am writing this post because I am desperate for a job and all employers seem to be after someone who can ‘think outside the box’, a quality which I clearly don’t possess. I, therefore, am not a fan of thinking outside the box and am hereby presenting my critique of this (falsely) perceived act:

How does this “thinking outside the box” thing work?? To me it suggests that your head is normally placed inside the box, except when you need to produce fresh thoughts, when you stick your head out of the box, spit those bright ideas out, and then quickly put your head back inside the box to preserve it for more fresh thoughts.

So far it makes sense. But then other problems emerge here. What is the box made of? If it is cardboard, which the quintessential box is, won’t it break after a couple of instances of thought ejaculation? If it’s made of metal, won’t your head sooner or later break in the hurry to get back to the box when you are done thinking. Either way, thinking outside the box does not seem like a very sustainable act to me. You either lose the box, or your head.

Even if you were willing to ignore the substantial problems that box material poses, how would you account for what happens to thoughts once they are scattered outside the box? What if they get eaten by bigger, fitter thoughts already outside? What if they indulge in unsafe intellectual intercourse with wanton thoughts out there? Or worse still, what if they decide to hang around the box and bully new thoughts? Do employers really want a bunch of thoughts fighting or mating outside the box? Even worse, what if they decide to ambush the head and punch it in the nose when it goes on one of its thinking trips outside the box.

So, employers! Go ahead and look for thinkers outside the box. As for me, I will hide inside the box and dream about alternative places to deposit my thoughts; and maybe occasionally peek outside of my little box window, and throw rotten tomatoes at those happy successful thoughts parading outside!